I guess it’s time to tell everyone that Julianne and I have decided to leave Korea at the end of this August when our contracts finish, and try living and teaching in another country: China.
How does a native English teacher know when it’s time to leave Korea? Good question!
Everyone has different reasons for coming to live and teach English in Korea, and everyone has differing ranges of how much they can adapt to the radically different culture of Korea.
Everyone also has different lengths of time they can adapt and thrive within Korea’s living and working environments. For Julianne and I, we’ve reached our limits.
With all this in mind I decided to come up with a list of questions that I think are a kind of ‘litmus test’ for knowing when it’s time to leave Korea . . . and as a way of explaining some of the reasons why I decided it’s time for me to leave.
1. Do you yell and/or curse at Koreans for breaking English/western cultural norms while walking around in public?
This is an interesting question to pose because some long term expats I’ve talked to in Korea don’t think that there’s anything ‘wrong’ with doing this if the situation ‘warrants it,’ but in my mind it’s impolite and wrong to yell at people no matter where you are in the world regardless of whatever ‘transgression’ they have done to you.
Maybe this is just my Canadian cultural DNA talking, or my personality, but for some time now I’ve been alarmed by my diminishing inhibition against saying something, and perhaps even yelling, to Korean people when I’m out in public when they do something rude to me. And when I say ‘rude’ I use that in the Korean socio-cultural sense, and not in an ignorant foreigner imposing his western cultural norms on Korean culture way. I now think that if a Korean person does something to me, that if done by one Korean to another would result in a throw-down yelling and screaming confrontation, that I shouldn’t just ‘take it’ and let it slide like water off a duck’s back. While I know I am a second class citizen at best in some/many Korean peoples’ eyes, and in a small minority’s (I hope) perspective nothing better than a drug-crazed-pedophilic-rapist-foreigner, I am no longer willing to just let rude behaviors go.
Koreans are always telling me to ‘learn Korean culture’ and follow it, fine, but I hope they realize that the extreme attention to social rank respect is something that goes both ways regardless of ethnic identity if I’m to act according to the general rules of Korean culture; unfortunately, I am no longer naive enough to think that all Koreans will interact with me according to Korean cultural norms, and often, in fact, just because I am NOT Korean, they will disrespect me for that alone . . . which makes insisting on being treated with respect according to Korean cultural norms an act of futility more often than not.
Four years ago, when I was still pretty much a newbie in Korea, I remember walking down the street with an expat who had been here for six years. She would sarcastically scream back at children who would point at her and call out ‘waygookin’; she would yell at cars that came too close to her; she would yell at ajusshi who stared at her for too long . . . and the list goes on. I was shocked at these behaviors, and others I won’t mention here, because she was also Canadian (though the connection between one’s nationality and how polite one is has no direct bearing, I did still cling to the notion that Canadians are in general polite). I found myself ruminating on what had happened to that “Good afternoon, it’s a beautiful day, eh?” Canadian spirit in my friend? Where had it gone? How could it have been damaged to such a degree as to vent such antipathy towards the people who surrounded her in the culture she had chosen to live and teach?
Now, after having lived and taught in Korea for more than five years, I think she had an extreme case of ‘cultural exhaustion’ (a variation on culture shock, and culture fatigue). I also have ‘cultural exhaustion’ (though I’m not at the point of yelling at children and other Koreans all the time when they’re rude) and I think that it’s time to move on to new and hopefully better things before I become the crusty burned-out always negative about everything in Korea expat teacher . . . but there are days lately when I think that particular demon jumps on my back and pours toxic thoughts and feelings into my ears to the point that I don’t want to leave my apartment.
That’s a pretty good indication that it’s time to leave.
2. Do you have disproportionate reactions to circumstances that normally wouldn’t spark the average person into a heated rage or tears or negative emotional state?
For a while now I’ve found that my ability to react proportionately to the general circumstances of a situation and person/people involved in a situation has been compromised by stressful events and the cumulative effects of culture fatigue (think culture shock, but long term and in a different sense) that have piled up over the past five years in Korea.
Culture fatigue is a “. . . state [which] could be described as an intermediary state between a new comer and an adapted individual. In the beginning, one doesn’t know what it means to belong to the culture. At the opposite, the adapted have no problems understanding the culture (no questions about the choices he makes in regards to everyday challenges – e.g. pro, contra or neutral to the culture). In between these two states – new or adapted, one goes through a mental and sometimes physical pain trying to understand and control to a certain level what is going around. The end of this state is reached gradually, after one paid a lot of attention to the people and things around, and eventually understood the ranking of values and the ways one can achieve them.” (my italics and bold)
Since ‘culture fatigue’ doesn’t really fit how I feel in general, and why I am leaving Korea, I think perhaps a new term is needed: “culture exhaustion.” I am well and truly exhausted in mind, body, and spirit by the day to day grossly unprofessional aspects of teaching and education culture in Korea. I am also exhausted by the daily situations I experience when I’m out and about doing things on my own free time. These things in and of themselves never used to tire me during my first two years in Korea, but after 2007 and the horrific experiences I had at a foreign language training center something in me radically changed, and while 2008 was a really good year for me (because I went to teach at a national university of education and was treated as a professional educator and colleague by the Korean faculty–thank you!), 2009 was pretty much the straw that broke this camel’s back when a major event happened at the university (the six month teach English in English program was added to the native professors’ workload, ‘voluntarily’, 10 days before the spring/summer semester was to begin).
The cultural fatigue, for myself and Julianne, has gotten to the point where we no longer experience more positives than negatives on a day to day basis. I’ve tried every positive thinking method I know and yet I still cannot reprogram my cognitive filter to interpret and process my day to day in a primarily positive manner. Definitely a sign that it’s time to make some changes.
3. Do you find yourself using negative stress coping mechanisms more than is ‘normal’ (this varies from person to person, and only YOU can figure this out) in order to deal with stress and problems that happen each day?
I think one way many expat teachers deal with the stress of living and teaching in Korea is to hit the bottle–and sometimes really hard. I know for myself what is healthy and acceptable in terms of how I use alcohol, and I know what is unhealthy. I think nearly everyone who drinks in Korea at times crosses the healthy limit line in terms of frequency and quantity because drinking culture in Korea actually encourages and supports using alcohol as a stress release. But when an unhealthy behavior, whatever it is, becomes your primary stress coping mechanism it should be a clear warning signal that some changes are needed.
The bugger is that some sources of stress, and their effects on one’s well-being, simply cannot be managed no matter how much you go to the gym, hike a mountain, do Yoga, connect with your social support network of friends and family, write in a journal, and finger paint naked while listening to “Don’t worry, be happy” full blast on your stereo in your shoe-box apartment (not that, of course, I’ve done that, lol).
When the general conditions of your work environment and living conditions get past the point where healthy coping mechanisms are effective it’s definitely time to start making changes in your work and living experiences–and if you can’t, if the issues or problems are beyond the scope of the very limited control we as native teachers have in Korea . . . then it’s time to consider leaving before things become too stressful and unhealthy.
4. Do you find that a majority of the days in each week are ‘bad days’? Or put another way “I hate Korea days”?
I think that the cumulative effect of the thousand little things that happen each day at work and in the daily living conditions of Korea–each of these little pin pricks by themselves is nothing, but when they all combine together, and day after day after day they strike again and again . . . well, the cumulative effect can wear you down. This is when, I think, one begins to notice that there are more days each week, then not, when the general feeling at the end of the day is bad.
“I hate Korea” is a very extreme statement to make, and one that no matter how bad something is that happens to me I try to avoid like the plague because once you begin saying it you do have ‘the plague.’ Saying this toxic statement makes me think of the cave scene in “The Empire Strikes Back” when Yoda says to Luke,
Yoda: Yes, run! Yes, a Jedi’s strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan’s apprentice.
Luke: Vader… Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know… when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack.
Luke: But tell my why I can’t…
Yoda: No, no! There is no “why”.
There is no “why” can’t I say “I hate Korea” because once you do start saying that you have begun moving towards the dark side . . . where crusty burned out expats’ lives lose all positivity and simply become banal exercises in who can show the biggest display of toxicity towards their host country and culture.
That’s not who I am, and that’s not who I want to be. But there have been too many days where my frustrations and stress levels have gotten me close to the edge . . . and it’s time to leave.
5. Do you find that the every day things in Korean culture that used to give you happiness and pleasure have lost their appeal?
Another sign that it’s time for me to leave is that the everyday things I love about Korea have lost their glow, and they no longer are enough in terms of helping me have a happy and positive day.
I love Korean food, and really enjoy going to eat at restaurants . . . but being stared at now taints everything. I tell myself not to care but all too often it gets under my skin.
I love teaching . . . but find that I cannot be patient anymore with some of the problems that occur while co-teaching.
I love the sense of community and close friendships that Koreans have with each other . . . but I have a very strong dislike for the us-them paradigm that excludes foreigners based on the simple fact that I’m not of Korean ethnicity.
I love the healthy lifestyle that many Koreans exhibit with hiking and eating well and taking care of their bodies . . . but I have a very strong dislike for the dark side of this cultural trait where it is used to tell me I need to lose weight to my face (which is rude in Korean culture, not just western English culture).
I think that expats who stay in Korea past the 2 year mark generally have developed strong and positive roots. Expats who have Korean girlfriends/boyfriends or wives/husbands develop roots imbued with love, and love for a Korean extends, I think, to other Koreans and the culture in general. There are other reasons that expats stay in Korea long term and are able to adapt and thrive but I think having a Korean partner is perhaps one of the most powerful aids in discovering ways to deal with the day to day issues, stresses, and problems.
Julianne and I simply do not have those kinds of long-term positive roots within Korea.
6. Do you spend more time in your apartment isolating yourself than you do out of it enjoying activities and socializing with Koreans in their social spaces?
My cultural exhaustion has gotten to the point where I spend more time in my apartment when I’m not teaching and at work than I do outside of it. This is very bad, and I hate it. I love walking around taking pictures, and doing things. But my cultural exhaustion is at the point where the rewards don’t outweigh the costs.
If I’m not outside participating and interacting with Koreans and enjoying the cultural events all around me then why the heck am I living and working overseas in a foreign culture?
I want to travel and experience new cultures and meet new people and have positive cross-cultural exchanges . . . but I cannot do that any longer in Korea due to my cultural exhaustion. Definitely time to move on.
7. Do you find yourself speaking in more and more negative and overly critical ways about every day living and working conditions that you have absolutely no power to change but still on a daily/regular basis talk about?
Perhaps the biggest thing for me is that I’m very unhappy at my job right now. I think going back to teaching in a public high school was a really big mistake. I thought that living in Seoul (I’ve wanted to do that ever since I came to Korea in 2005) would more than make up for my dislike for co-teaching (even though I’m good at it), and that going back to teaching high school wouldn’t be so bad . . . but after having taught in a national university of education where I felt like I was a ‘real teacher’ for the first time in Korea I now realize that going back to teaching in public school is nowhere near as fulfilling and positive.
Anyone who has been a regular reader of my blog knows that I generally haven’t written in critical and/or negative ways about living and teaching in Korea . . . but over the last 9 months (since I returned to teaching in public school) my blog posts have been moving more and more towards the overtly critical and negative in perspective and content. I think that some of this has been perfectly reasonable, and that the writing I’ve done has been objective and fair in relation to the subject matter. But there have been some posts that when I re-read them I think to myself, “Wow, that’s pretty dark and negative. Time to make some changes.”
8. Do you avoid anything and everything Korean after you’re done teaching most days?
This question is pretty similar to #6 but I think it’s worth having on its own in order to illuminate the issue. There are too many days each week now where all I want to do after I’m done teaching is go home and eat dinner within the English-only-no-Korean-language-or-culture space of my apartment.
Anyone who is living and teaching inside Korea who finds themselves thinking and feeling like this on a majority of the days in a week needs to seriously ask themselves why they continue to stay in a culture that they have lost any interest in interacting with. There are days, however, when one is just naturally tired out by Korean culture, and you just need a break to recover and recharge–what I’m talking about is when the desire to avoid anything Korean happens more than a few times each week every week . . . that’s when things are beginning to get serious.
The problem for many people, I think, is that we fall into habits and routines and lose the ability to ‘think outside of Korea’ so to speak. We forget that there are many other countries and cultures around the world that we can travel to, live and work in, and that some countries and their cultures are just not for every0ne–especially to live and work in over long periods of time.
If you get to the point where you don’t want any contact with everything and anything Korean after you’re done work then that’s a pretty clear sign that it’s time to leave.
9. Do you interpret every interaction with a Korean where something goes wrong as ‘anti-foreigner’ motivated?
Something I’ve noticed that I’ve fallen into now a few too many times is the belief that any time a Korean person says or does something to make a situation negative for me I blame it on ‘anti-waygook’ feelings on the part of the Korean.
I know this is not true, and that it is a gross generalization. I try to challenge this thinking, and to come up with as many other possible explanations for what has happened and why . . . but for a while now I’ve found myself struggling really hard to find those other possibilities.
Perhaps a part of this is due to being surrounded by, and saturated with, Korean cultural thinking patterns that unfortunately also tend to use the gross generalization paint brush that paints all foreigners as such and such, and that resisting the temptation to fight ignorance with ignorance, or generalizations with generalizations is really freaking hard when you’re also experiencing cultural fatigue.
10. Are you ‘normally’ a very positive and easygoing person but have noticed that your personality is changing, and becoming more negative in general?
I used to be the kind of guy who would always say “annyeong haseyo” to every Korean I’d see; I used to be the kind of guy who would always try to have a friendly expression on my face . . . but for too long now I’ve found myself not smiling, and not having a friendly look on my face.
Now when I go shopping I don’t smile much when the cashier greets me at the register in Lotte Mart, or when I get into a cab and the taxi driver says a cheerful “Hello!” I don’t meet his eyes in the rear-view mirror and return his greeting with a smile and my own “Hello” back at him. I have disconnected from my naturally friendly and polite self because it requires more energy than I have after teaching all day and striving to maintain a positive teaching energy and the friendliness I know to be so necessary to have a good rapport with my co-teachers and students . . . and this saddens me and worries me because I have to wonder what kind of long term effects my experiences in Korea will have on my personality, and whether I’ve gone past the point of no return in terms of rejuvenating these parts of myself that now lie dormant . . .
Anyways . . .
All of these things I’ve written about, and more, add up to Julianne and I deciding it’s time to leave Korea. We’ve found jobs at a top ranked university in China, and are very excited about starting them in September.
I’ve been doing tons of reading on the Internet about China’s culture and history, and while there are many similarities between China and Korea I think that there are enough differences that the move from Korea to China is going to help me rediscover being happy to live and teach overseas.
I know that I’m still going to be stared at, pointed at, and talked about by people in China because I’m a big chubby shaved head white foreign guy . . . but I’m hoping that with a better teaching and working environment this sort of thing will not bother me as much. Also, Julianne and I have talked about how there are different ways that Koreans stare at us, and when it’s simple curiousity mixed with a friendly spirit there’s no problem. It’s when you get a pervert-ajusshi looking at your girlfriend like she’s a prostitute, or staring at you with a ‘what the hell are you doing in my country?’ aggressive anti-foreigner look . . . those are the kinds of stares that drain the spirit, and poison one’s experiences in Korea. I’m hoping that China won’t be quite as bad in terms of things like that . . . though I could be totally deluding myself and my naivete is probably quite amusing to people who have spent time in China . . . only time will tell.
Well, my hands are tired and I’ve written everything I have to say about Julianne and I leaving Korea for now. I’m sure I’ll write more over the next 71 days as we count down to our departure date.
Wish me luck.
J
Kimchi Icecream 
37 comments
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June 15, 2010 at 12:15 am
Whisen
No offense but, you think China’s gonna be any different? In Europe definitely in East Asia, changing the scenery doesn’t really matter much.
June 15, 2010 at 1:24 am
kimchiicecream
I think that China will be different enough that I’ll rediscover my desire to live and teach overseas…I love taking pictures and the landscape and temples and general architecture will be very different. I will be back teaching in a university which will drastically reduce all the unnecessary bullshit that goes on in a public school job and with co-teaching in general. The food will be different and that’s always something fun to explore…..and hopefully other things I don’t know about but will get exposed to.
As for stuff being the same….yes, I fully expect to be stared at like an alien, but I’m hoping there will be less animosity in the stares because the Chinese are not an insecure people and don’t have ‘small country syndrome.’
I think changing the scenery and location will have a pretty big influence on my general state of mind. But I also recognize that I shape how I see things, and that that has to be improved.
Getting over the cultural exhaustion I’ve been dealing with will take some time, but I think with the new working conditions (I know people who worked where I’m going and I know exactly what I’m walking into–and it’s GOOD) mixed with a new culture, language, and in general different place will help.
Perhaps I’m being overly optimistic but I’ve asked five different teachers I used to work with in Korea how they like China, and they say that there’s no comparison, and that the general conditions and experience have been more positive for them–I’m hoping it will be the same for Julianne and I too.
June 12, 2012 at 7:36 am
J
ive lived about equal amount of time in china and korea and i can easily tell you that i felt close to no problem to adapt to korean culture compared to china. i love both countries and im actually going back to china to work there from august (not in teaching sector) but i know very well that china is 100% different from canada, while korea is more a east meet west, way easier to adapt to. the stares are definitely more of curiosity than animosity, but old people will still not like you, and its going to be way harder to make chinese friends than korean friends. they have close to no drinking culture outside of business, they are way less open (but not less friendly, you just need to work harder) and the language barrier is a strong reason for that. Chinese dont speak english. they just dont. 99% of the people you’ll meet outside of the workplace wont (even in the previous company i worked for, there was 5 english speaker on 150 employees) so its hard to make new friends. However, the small minority that has some english knowledge will be very pleased to have the chance to practice with foreigners, so its kind of hit or miss, but mostly miss.
like i said before im not in the teaching business, but ive heard the conditions are quite nice in china. however, i dont know compared to korea. i think you’ll be able to save much more money in china though.
i wish you luck in china, its a country that i truly love and i hope you’ll feel the same over there.
June 15, 2010 at 6:08 am
Kelly and Kristin
Best of luck to you in China! I have enjoyed reading what you’ve had to say about Korea. You have always done an amazing job of articulating things (like the above post) that I find I over-simplify in my own words. I hope the change of scenery will also lift your spirits. Maybe as a post before you leave you can pin down exactly what you loved/hated? I would appreciate hearing what you and all of your years of experience have to say. 🙂
June 15, 2010 at 11:03 pm
kimchiicecream
Hi Kelly and Kristin,
Thank you, and thanks for saying nice things about my blogging/writing…..it’s nice to know that I’m not blogging in a vacuum, lol.
I don’t know how much I’m going to blog about the specifics….have to think about it a lot cause some of the stuff I’d want to write about is pretty hard core in terms of what I’ve seen while at work and teaching….
We’ll see what I come up with cause I will be writing a ‘good-bye Korea’ post later.
June 15, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Rob Murphy
Hi Jason,
I had just heard about this blog from my good friend Sonya and I had to check it out for myself.
Very funny, and very true. I say all the power too you for leaving before getting pulled into the dark side. Sometimes all you need to cure what ails you is a “Geographical Cure”
From what I’ve heard from my friends whove lived in China and Korea is that China is Korea extreme! but in a good way. It was everything they loved about Korea over exagerated. Hopefully you’ll have a good time. I’ve also heard that China is much more accepting of foreigners. (not that I can speak from experience).
June 15, 2010 at 11:09 pm
kimchiicecream
Hi Rob,
Sonya’s great….except of course when we disagree, but then she’s just wrong—HA! (Just kidding Sonya, you rock!)
I’ve talked to friends I used to teach with in Korea and while they would probably agree with you about China being a more extreme Korea in some ways, they have said that in general it is a far more positive place to live and work. I’m really REALLY hoping they’re right!
I’ll probably start up a new blog and link to it from this one once I’m there. Hopefully people will still want to read my stories, lol.
J
June 16, 2010 at 6:00 am
What’s it like to teach English in a high school in Seoul, South Korea? « Kimchi Icecream
[…] One other thing: living and teaching in Korea is not for everyone, and you need to have a clear idea of when it’s time to leave based on your own personal situation. You may want to take a look at a recent postI wrote, How do you know when it’s time to leave Korea? — Julianne and Jason are going to China, WOO! […]
June 20, 2010 at 4:55 am
Rebecca
Firstly I just wanted to say thank you very much for posting these 10 signs….I’ve actually been toying with when the right time to leave will be for some time and this article helped me to reach a decision that I am happy with!
Best of luck on your future goals!
Rebecca.
July 15, 2010 at 10:25 pm
guest
Hello,
I just found your blog, but I thought this post was really interesting. I’m actually Korean-American (gyopo), and I’ve decided to teach in Korea at the end of this year as a way to live there. I’m fully engaged in the Korean culture, and I was raised in a Korean home…so living in Korea has always been a dream for me. But when I do research about teaching there, I always find that foreigners say things like “I hate Korea, cause…” so it really offends me. I get the feeling that they’ve been faced with severe culture shock, and instead of recognizing this, they blame their poor experiences on Korea/Koreans/Korean culture. So it’s really saddening, and offensive. But I really appreciated your post. You seem to recognize why you came to those “hate” days, and realize that it’s not really about the Korean people. It’s just more of exhaustion/fatigue. Your viewpoint is very mature, I’d say. Anyway…thanks for the unbiased viewpoint on all this, it’s really appreciated on my side of things. That is, the gyopo side of things.
Oh also, good luck in China~! I think that you will find that it IS more welcoming to foreigners, because they’ve had more experience with Westerners. Korea is xenophobic to non-Koreans, I have to admit, which does lead to many foreigners disliking the culture. This is shameful, but it’s not really the fault of the entire nation/people. They just haven’t been exposed to western-society/cultures as much as other Asian countries have, and so they haven’t felt the influence of this. Also, Korea has only recently opened its arms to international relations (probably happened during 50s?), and SKorea became a developing country during the 80s. So it’s no wonder why the people are so distant to foreigners. They just don’t know anything about them! But yeah, good luck, and have fun in China. Hopefully you find what you’re looking for there 🙂
July 15, 2010 at 11:27 pm
kimchiicecream
Hi guest,
I’m glad you like my blog.
I’ve gotta say, however, that I think a fair amount of the complaining and criticisms about Korean “culture” have some degree of merit in spite of the mild to extreme language used that turns people off from listening to it–that is, until they’ve gone through the situation that the native teacher is complaining about.
I’ve spoken with a lot of gyopos and I think I get where you’re coming from cause all too often at parties/dinners in native teacher apartments, at dinners out in restaurants, and bars/clubs….the gyopos and/or anyone Asian-Canadian/American/British/etc get ostracized by a subtle and quiet ‘you’re one of them’ treatment from the non-Asian teachers at the social event. No one really talks much about this, on blogs or otherwise, but a friend of (Korean-American) would totally get shunned by the other female native teachers at parties and clubs we’d go to. I think this kind of thing, mixed with personal ethnic identity situations, mix to produce a kind of ‘between worlds otherness’ that sucks for a lot of gyopos cause they also had to deal with that kind of crap back in their home countries in spite of having been born there and feeling “American” or “Canadian” ….
What I’m trying to say is that a distinction needs to be made between when a native teacher is complaining about the grossly unprofessional conduct that often goes on in schools here in terms of breaking contract rules/education office policies/general professionalism according to western norms and when native teachers are complaining based on immature feelings/thoughts and in general toxic reasons. The problem is that the blogging genre is like a diary and it’s on the world wide web and when native teachers are young and angry and hurt and they write about it they don’t try to take a step back, consider both sides of the coin, and use language that is not overly offensive, etc.
The last thing I’ll say is that I think the realities of Korea may not be compatible with what you imagine and think it’s going to be like–especially for you as a gyopo. I’d like to pose this question to you too: is it always INHERENTLY a racist/prejudiced/bad thing to say that one ‘hates’ something about another country’s culture? I’ll agree with you that the language is harsh, and that people who have chained their personal identity to their national/ethnic identity will get very upset if someone says “I hate _____ about Korean culture” but isn’t the truth that many people have strong dislikes for other cultures and even their own personal culture?
Some of the things I “hate”–though I try to use words like “strongly dislike” because they’re not quite so harsh– about Korea are
1) the terrible gender power imbalances in every facet of everyday life
2) the overt racism
3) the extreme narcissism
4) obsession with body image
5) failure to be true to Confucian norms and values that are ‘supposed to’ be the foundation of the culture
I’ll finish with this thought . . . if one argues that grossly unethical and unprofessional behavior PATTERNS that are so commonly found in native teacher stories about teaching/co-teaching/working in Korean schools . . . if one argues that it is the NATIVE TEACHERS who are at fault, and are just experiencing “culture shock” and should just ‘learn more about Korean’ and that they “don’t understand Korea” (god I HATE–and I TRULY mean that word here–that expression) . . . if one argues these things I think most of the time that person needs to acknowledge that they are defending ridiculous things that should NEVER be defended. And I think many Koreans themselves that complain about corruption and fraud and abuse of student rights and all the other issues that are going on in the education system of Korea right now . . . I think many Koreans would AGREE with what the native teachers are criticizing about Korean culture.
The primary problem I think some/many (?) gyopo have is that their own personal family issues and ethnic identity issues get caught up in the maelstrom of issues that plague native teachers in Korea–and it’s hard to see when a native teacher is being an ASS and when they’re just LEGITIMATELY UPSET about something that has happened ….
It almost seems like there’s a need for a ‘Grammar of Complaining Objectively and Maturely About Life in Korea’ for native teachers so that more people might not only ‘hear’ the negative feelings and focus more on the issues of quality of education, professionalism in the workplace, and other REAL issues that underly what they native teachers are complaining and criticizing…
Anyways, good luck with your adventure in Korea. I just hope your dreams are able to withstand some of the more harsh realities that gyopo living and teaching in Korea have told me stories about….
J
July 15, 2010 at 11:40 pm
kimchiicecream
One more thing, you say, “Korea is xenophobic to non-Koreans, I have to admit, which does lead to many foreigners disliking the culture. This is shameful, but it’s not really the fault of the entire nation/people. They just haven’t been exposed to western-society/cultures as much as other Asian countries have, and so they haven’t felt the influence of this.”
Once you’ve been over here and living and teaching here you may discover that people (whether they’re foreign or Korean or gyopo) who are ‘apologists’ and who rationalize things that are just plain ‘wrong’ quickly find themselves being shunned.
Have you read through Professor Ben Wagner’s human rights report to the national human rights commission of Korea? Perhaps this might give you something to consider when you ask others to not ‘blame’ or assign responsibility to law makers, policy makers, police, and other people in positions of power for actively and willfully contributing to the problems that native teachers have to deal with in Korea.
http://briandeutsch.blogspot.com/2009/04/basic-act-on-treatment-of-foreigners.html
You’ll have to sign up with waygook.org but it’s a very useful and free site with lesson plans and other resources that newbie teachers and veterans need in
Korea.
Also, I think most native teachers get that Korea is relatively new to interacting with foreigners…..what we don’t get is how they can completely throw out the Confucian principles and morals when interacting with us strictly based on the fact that we don’t have Korean blood and don’t look like them–that’s not something I would defend, and people who defend racist practices … well, I don’t think much about their opinions at all.
J
July 17, 2010 at 9:22 pm
guest
Hello,
Well…I agree with you. Korea is a racist country. They are more accepting to White foreigners as compared to dark-skinned ones, and they are very inclusive to other Koreans. This is very obvious to anyone. But, like I said, it’s not really the fault of the entire population of Korea. The ROK has only recently (in wordly terms) accepted international relations, so many Koreans just don’t understand how to interact with non-Koreans. Many Koreans don’t even know how to interact with gyopo who don’t know the culture/speak the language. I guess I’m in the “lucky” situation of being able to speak Korean, and I also go to Korea every year, twice a year. So I know the lifestyle very well, fortunately.
But foreigners also defend things that are pretty outrageous. For example, I got into an argument with a foreigner who tried to argue that my English was sub-par because of my gyopo status. Moreover, another foreigner tried to argue that, as a gyopo, I could only see 90% of the world clearly. The remaining 10%? Well…that’s a mystery, as my gyopo-ness apparently doesn’t allow me that. (I’m not saying all foreigners believe this way. I’m just giving out the most extreme cases of my experience).
In terms of defending things that are overtly unethical/unprofessional in Korea? I still would argue the point of culture-shock. Listen, I get the point of narcissism, obsession with body-image, racism, etc. But I’ve had this argument with many foreigners: These are all things that exist in some form in all parts of the world. Imagine an Inuit tribe–it’s completely made up of Inuit people, with little to no interaction to the outside world. How welcoming do you think they would be to foreigners? How willing do you think they would be to change their traditions so that the foreigner would be more comfortable?
I understand that Korea is a more modern nation than a tribe would be. That’s a given. BUT there are two points here: 1) The main idea is the same–a people with recent interaction to foreigners has difficulty accepting outsiders. They’re probably not going to change their traditional ways in order to provide for the foreigner, because they see no need to OR they don’t know anything else. 2) Although Korea is a modern, developing country, like you’ve noticed…the people continue in traditional beliefs (i.e., Confucianism). This has a lot to do with the sudden development of the nation that began during the late 70s. This means that Korea has had only recent interaction (in wordly terms) to outside countries. So…I REALLY believe the racism argument falls flat. It’s just impossible for a country, made up of an almost entirely homogeneous population, to be welcoming to outside values and people.
Things such as narcissism and body-image are characteristic traits. These cannot be defined by a certain country, and are universal in ALL people. Beauty is defined differently in all countries, and I could argue the point that I find it ridiculous that Westerners find the need to self-tan, thereby GREATLY increasing their risk in skin-cancer. I could further argue that the USA has the highest rates in eating disorder related deaths, which shows a relation in body-image problems, narcissism, and mental-disorders. Furthermore, beauty products are everywhere, in almost all developing/developed countries. And, lastly, it’s well-known that African tribes contort their bodies so that they can beautify themselves. Is this considered obsessed? Or a part of tradition that should be respected? I think, personally, these are issues with development, and the influence of “beauty-defined” marketing. I’ve had people try to argue that littering is a cultural norm in Korea. I can’t deny that Koreans litter. I’ve seen it. BUT, does this mean littering is a cultural aspect of Korea? How??? People litter out of HABIT, not through culture. People litter EVERYWHERE. I understand that littering is a problem in Korea. I understand that superficiality is an issue in Korea. But these are issues that are found everywhere, not in a particular country. Yes, the definitions of beauty represent Korea….but that’s a different argument than “obsession with body-image.”
So, I guess my point is that I can understand when people complain about things that are understandable, and inherently…”Korean.” But things that are universal, and more of a TRAIT in PEOPLE…I just really don’t understand the issue. This is when I get upset as a gyopo. That’s why, for me, everything comes down to culture shock. Or (and I don’t know the word for this), but the foreigner’s inability to accept a certain culture/cultural aspect. Cause, I, as a gyopo, know both Western and Korean cultures. So I can understand why the foreigner would say X-situation is wrong. But…as a Korean, I take issue with this. Cause it’s not “wrong.” It’s just a different way of doing things, and the foreigner just happens to dislike it. I could see WHY they would dislike it, cause it’s different, and in some cases…such as hiring practices, it’s messed up. But Koreans haven’t had the time to deal with issues like these yet. I mean, it took American decades for them to realize that racism was fraggin’ messed up, and slavery was wrong. And even then, racism still exists, and it took a whole movement to get the ball rolling. It’s not really fair to compare the “equality” (if you can call it that) that exists in Western countries, to the “inequality” that exists in Korea. Korea has not had its time yet. It’s not even considered a fully-developed country by politicians! Basically, I find it amazing how people (not you), but people, are so willing to complain about something when it happens to them…but these problems were just as real in their home country. They happened to be lucky enough not to have run into them at home, but were struck with the reality that Korea is a very homogeneous country, and now…well, they’re the great-minority.
May 9, 2013 at 12:12 am
consentient
I fully appreciate the points you make, and, coming from England, I agree that there are a huge number of problems with the culture there.
But that does not mean that we can escape the conclusion – if we’re intellectually honest – that a foreigner, regardless of origin, would be treated with far greater basic respect in England than in Korea. Not only is considered absolutely repellent to most English people to display prejudice towards non-English, but the authorities bend over backwards to make sure that no one could ever accuse them of any kind of bias whatsoever. In some contexts, this bending goes too far and actually inhibits English nationals.
People can try to apologise for it as much as they like, but the hostility and alienation that so many NETs face in Korea, on a daily basis, is something that there is really no excuse for. Yeah, Korea is undergoing rapid change. So is Brazil, Kenya, Bulgaria, and lots of other countries. But being a foreigner in those places does not make one feel the same alienation.
So, in summary, most of “the problems” one can face here are not “just as real in [my] home country”. I have many immigrant friends in England, and I can tell you that the experiences are simply not comparable.
May 9, 2013 at 6:27 am
kimchiicecream
I think comparing England and Korea expat/immigrants experiences is not valid. The cultures and histories of the two countries are radically different. Just the geography alone and how it influences the culture (think mountains and peninsula and how that isolates the people so that ‘outsiders’ has an even stronger articulation).
Another point is that English being a lingua franca it’s highly likely immigrants/expats in England are able to communicate much more easily than expats/immigrants in Korea and how learning to speak Korean fluently in a very short time is not possible….
Anyways…..Thanks for reading.
August 1, 2010 at 9:29 am
Culture Shock and new native English teachers in South Korea — Some videos I found a while ago . . . « Kimchi Icecream
[…] about ‘culture shock’ and ‘culture fatigue’) and wrote about in this post, How do you know when it’s time to leave Korea? — Julianne and Jason are going to China, WOO!) and while surfing the Net I ended up on youtube watching all these videos made by newbie native […]
August 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm
Alex Lapp
Hi Jason
Truly informative and illuminating piece of writing. I very much understand the term “culture exhaustion” as I’ve reached mine at the end of the second year. I didn’t have the horrible experiences found in other people’s blogs but I sure felt the welcoming trend keep getting thinner and thinner.
I still remember when we took the Korean teaching classes in Incheon at Hyundai building and how it was a complete waist of our time as Korean teacher couldn’t speak any English. Plus I wanted to go home to pursue my teaching Degree.
I wish you all the best in China and will definitely continue to look at your reports from time to time. But i wanted just to reiterate as intelligently as I can to your point “when it’s time to get out”. I’m currently on the verge of finishing my second Asian country, Thailand, which is of course considered the land of paradise. (among many other things) And i can honestly say that i believe that no matter where you are, there will come the point when ” the culture exhaustion” will take effect. I never thought it’s going to happen so soon in Thailand, but I believe that everything i could have experienced in this country I’ve done just that. And now the fatigue is taking effect. Time to go home or change another country.
But on more positive note, the cross cultural experiences are possibly one of the best ways to see other countries, to meet people and be enamored by exotic lifestyle. One should truly cherish those experiences and have strength to continue experiencing them even in the face of docility and ordinariness.
catch you on the slow boat to China.
August 2, 2010 at 4:02 am
kimchiicecream
Hey Alex,
Yeah, end of two years and Julianne’s ready to leave too.
I tried taking Korean classes in Incheon too, and the Korean teacher had no clue how to teach “Korean as a Foreign Language”….went at lightning speed, spoke almost primarily in Korean when she could speak in English, and the textbooks were garbage. I went once and never went again.
I’m hoping that getting back to teaching university will help a lot of my burnout to go away, and believe it will cause I LOVED teaching at the national uni of ed I was at (until some shit went down that changed the working condtions). Changing countries, I also hope, will be enough to have new things to learn and experience, and that those things will for the most part be positive too.
I agree, that no matter where you are that eventually culture exhaustion will set in….I’m just hoping it doesn’t hit too fast or hard in China!
I know that my time in Korea, and experiences, have given me a lot–some good, some bad, and some horrible life experiences and knowledge. I’m just focused on keeping the good and learning from the bad, and it’s time to move on before the horrible turns me into a crusty nuked burned out expat, lol.
I’ll be posting about my new China blog this week….take care,
J
May 13, 2011 at 3:15 am
L
Hi,
First, I enjoy reading your blog. Thank you.
I am one of those people who enjoy the Korean drama too much, and think everything about Korea/Korean are so good. I had a chance to meet one of my friends in Korea, who had lived there for a few years, and she told me Korean people do not accept anything that is not Korean. I was shocked hearing that back then. Being in the US for so long, it’s hard to imagine that if you are not “one-of-them”, you are not accepted.
May 13, 2011 at 5:00 am
kimchiicecream
Thanks for reading. I have met Koreans who are open-minded and who do accept things that are not “Korean”–though I have to say they seem to be a minority in Korea based on my experiences and those of people I have talked to.
J
July 4, 2011 at 11:04 am
Roxanne
Hello. Enjoyed this posting immensely…AND identified with it, actually. I have all the symptoms and have decided, too, that it’s time for me to have an expat moving sale and head for more stimulating surrounds. I hope you and Julianne are enjoying life in your new home. If you’re still in China, maybe I’ll see/read you there.
July 7, 2011 at 7:41 am
kimchiicecream
China is, in many ways, Korea 15-20 YEARS AGO…..so bear that in mind when considering a move here. I’ll try and write a post contrasting and comparing my experiences here with those in Korea, and what I liked/didn’t like living and teaching in China versus Korea.
We’re heading to the Middle East next–we need a change of cultural scene in general.
Anyways, I hope you get some time off before your next move to help with burn out/cultural fatigue.
Good luck,
J
August 13, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Francesca
This absolutely sums up exactly how I am feeling. I just have not been able to put into to words because I’ve been too busy cursing this experience. YIKES!! Thank you so much. Good luck in China
March 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Things I wish someone had told me before I started teaching EFL/ESL overseas . . . « Kimchi Icecream
[…] How do you know when it’s time to leave Korea? — Julianne and Jason are going to China, WOO! […]
April 8, 2012 at 10:20 am
andimustfollow
This is an old post, but I think it’s important to say:
I disagree strongly with #6.
Most of this is spot on, but I dislike the implication that is given off by so many people in so many different venues that if you are naturally introverted and enjoy being at home alone more often than you enjoy being out, there is something wrong with your lifestyle.
I’ve lived in three different countries and the pattern has always been the same.
Now I teach in Korea. I typically go out once a week, maybe twice, almost never during the week. I enjoy catching up with friends during those times, but typically do not feel any desire to go out on weeknights. I am very happy, I adore Korea, it’s just that no matter where I live or what I do, quiet evenings at home are more appealing probably 75% of the time, and I honestly don’t believe that indicates that I am unhappy, fatigued, or otherwise maladjusted.
Just a cheerful introvert who gets rubbed the wrong way when someone pathologizes my choice of recreation. (This rant isn’t just directed at you, I hear it all the time, in fact this is probably about to become a dedicated post of my own.)
May 9, 2013 at 5:12 am
Mstanyagold
I have answered yes to each and every one of these questions.. My time is up!!
May 9, 2013 at 6:17 am
kimchiicecream
Good luck.
May 9, 2013 at 5:16 am
Alana Bertozzi
Thank you for your truthful piece you have written. I too, have been feeling the same exact way lately. I will be leaving Korea at the end of contract and the unhappiness has been growing tremendously. It will be three years here and I think that is more than enough time living in this country.
I was about to relate to your ideas and it was so healing to connect.
May 9, 2013 at 6:17 am
kimchiicecream
Hi Alana,
I wondered why this article was getting so much attention today and then someone told me it’s on a waygook discussion…
I am back in Korea. After having a 2 year break it gave me a different perspective on living and teaching here.
I am not, and will never be, what I call an ‘expat apologist’ who drinks the kimchi coolaid and never criticizes or complains about anything and everything to do with expat life here. I think there are some very legitimate issues that a moderate degree of complaining and criticizing are warranted.
Anyways, I’m glad this article helped you. Good luck.
May 9, 2013 at 3:00 pm
Kim
I just read your post and empathize with you because I have lived in Korea for 2 1/2 years. My experience has been very different from your because I am a Black American and the realities that exist in Korea are not new to me. Many of the things you discussed could be part of any so called “minority person’s” life in any country. All of America is not welcoming to me and that is my home country, so there is nothing Korea can dish out that I can’t take because it is nothing new to me. Race aside, I am also older than the average English teacher (39) and my life experience probably contributes to a much thicker skin and greater sense of self confidence. I don’t care how the Koreans view me or if they like me and I always stand up for myself if the situation warrants, but I don’t worry about ignorant behaviors. What other people think just doesn’t affect me as much.
When I read your post, what stood out to me loud and clear was not so much that you dislike Korea, but that you hated your job. I think a change of position would have totally changed your perspective. Crappy jobs exist everywhere and sometimes it just takes a change to make it better. Believe me, I am just as appalled by what goes on in inner city schools as I am about what goes on in Korea. Same game, different players, I say.
I just found your blog and I am interested in reading more. I just hope that people realize that no country is perfect and some of the same things you complained about in Korea can easily be found in one’s home country most likely. I know they definitely can in America, and if it was perfect, I would still be there. Everyone has to choose what they are willing to deal with and that is a very personal thing.
Best of luck to you.
May 21, 2014 at 6:26 am
Mar
Thank you so much for the post. I was asked to resign today and I was considering it but after reading this I realize how done I am. I leave the school day with a grimace on my face where it used to be, 95% of the time, a smile.
When I look at all og the things you listed, I realize I can find a bit of myself in each. I’m ready to get out!
May 21, 2014 at 7:50 am
K
Have you been to China? I hate to break it to you…but if rudeness and lack of etiquette is getting to you here…its generally even worse there.
Hopefully the excitement of being in a new place wins! Goodluck with the transition! 🙂
June 29, 2014 at 6:29 am
Tulipgirl
I can identify with lots of these. I’ve been I’m Korea waaaay too long. I’m ashamed to say how long I’ve lived here off and on. Korea just exhausts me and I’ve had so many Koreans treat me with disdain and like total trash. As an English teacher I know I’ll never have the energy or time to become fluent in Korean, I miss being able to freely swim, etc. I’m afraid I’m starting to do these things and that Korea has killed my spirit so even though I’m super scared as a single girl to be broke, I believe I need to leave next year. I know I’m never going to be treated like a real human being here and teaching esl is a joke. Experience hurts insteads of helps. The pay sucks because I’m making less plus prices have gone up. I have lost a lot of money here between contracts when I lost jobs due to politics, etc. I’ve always been afraid to go back home because I’m afraid of becoming a penniless single loser. I’m on the ba l side of 35 so I feel like no good man will want me now. My self esteem
Has been wrecked in Korea.
June 29, 2014 at 6:40 am
Tulipgirl
And airline ticket prices have skyrocketed and I can hardly ever afford to go see my parents anymore. I’m sick of going two years, maybe three this time without seeing them and Koreans I work with are insensitive jerks acting like 6 or 7 days is gidd enough to go see my family. I have no friends and No special man in my life. Nothing. All because of crappy Korea
June 29, 2014 at 7:14 am
Tulipgirl
A week off may be good for
Koreans since their families wreckers but a week off in summer and a week off in winter is nothing with high ticket prices and time differences, so you can six or seven days at most with your family because of time differences and
Also everyone
Doesn’t live close to the airport.
If you live in the boonies buses only go to incheon at certain times.
June 29, 2014 at 7:50 am
Tulipgirl
The insensitivity of Koreans is one thing that really bothers me. They have hearts of ice. They never show any concern or compassion that I never get to see my family. The measly one or two week vacations here suck.
June 29, 2014 at 11:19 am
Tulipgirl
I know I’m rambling on, but another thing that gets me is how I’m
not treated like a real person with feelings here and how I go about minding my own business just trying ti get by in this world like everyone else. Then I go somewhere like a shop or a concert hall and get laughed at for being a foreigner. I’m actually very upset because it happened when I went to a concert last night. I walked in with my ticket and there were two ladies selling copies of the band’s new CD. They looked right at me and laughed especially one of them. I filed a complaint with the performance hall as well as the band’s facebook page. I felt very offended and uncomfortable because 4 other staff members saw this. I’m an introvert and don’t like all this negative attention being focused on me in a public place. So this put a bit of a damper on a concert I’ve been waiting to see. They responded to my facebook post claiming I
Misunderstood and that they had been just talking to each otherabouy something not related to me. No they were not. They were silently sitting there staring at me. Then they looked at each other and laughed like banshees for everyone around to see. I’m not funny looking. I’m
Just a human being.